Leadership Paradox III. Who is it about?

Transition Management

One of the paradoxes of leadership I’ve encountered in new leaders is whether the executive should talk about “I” or “we” when discussing performance. Some new leaders use the term “I” when talking to their managers or their customers. They do this to convey ownership, to communicate their value, or to bolster their own egos. Others use “we” when discussing their work. “We” conveys teamwork and collaboration, communicates shared accountability and distributes responsibility. 

What makes this a paradox is that many of the new leaders I work with are told to use “I” if they use “we” too often, and to use “we” if they use “I” most of the time.  The answer is, of course, not a simple one – there are situations where one should use the singular, and situations where one should use the plural.

While this may seem like a trivial issue for executives confronted with restarting an organization, hitting stretch revenue and profit targets, or accomplishing major business objectives, it is actually a potentially critical issue.  If we assume that a leader cannot be successful without followers (and I do make that assumption), then minor language shifts tell people volumes about whether they are trusted and valued, and whether the new leader can be trusted and respected.

So when should you use “I” or “we?” If we operate on the assumption that the role of the new leader with regard to the organization is to convey “Something to believe in, someone to beleive in, and someone who believes in them,” then the rule of thumb for new leaders is:

  • Use “we” when talking about successes, accomplishments, and other wins;
  • Use “we” when talking about plans and projects;
  • Use “we” when there is the opportunity to distribute credit or praise;
  • Use “I” when taking responsibility for work to be done;
  • Use “I” when someone needs to take accountability for failures or missed goals;
  • Use “I” to convey that the buck stops here
  • Use “I” to establish power or authority (which you should do, but sparingly);
  • Use “we” to convey collaboration and teamwork

Using “we” when explaining missed objectives or targets suggests that you cannot handle failure, and may communicate a lack of leadership.  On the other hand, using I when talking about successes suggests that you don’t value the people around you, and may communicate arrogance or narcissism. 

Bill Berman, PhD
Partner, PrimeGenesis
Principal, Berman & Associates

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